THE GREAT PIECE OF TRUTH FOR THIS ISSUE: Fea
Contrary to our assertion in the foreword to the book-- "We're often asked if
any of the characters in the strip are based on... characters we've played.
No." --rigorous archaeology into our own records and the clearing of throats
from various old boyfriends has revealed that each of the four initial
characters had precedents in games or writings of ours. This issue we examine
the secret birth of Fea.
Good grief, we were both in college. Chris was usually the DM in those days,
but we all felt we were becoming addicted so we decided to let Barbara's
boyfriend DM for a change. Barbara rolled up a stupid fighter, his name was
Groth we believe, just to see if there was any mystery to playing one, and
Chris had a female grey elf magic user, by name Fea-Tathin. Oh, the caverns
of unsecluded memory. All we remember of the game was that these two decided
to get it on in a muddy stable. Liking stables was Fea-Tathin's one known
character trait. We roleplayed the entire seduction with the poor boyfriend
arbitrating.
Oh, and the toad. She got one with the Find Familiar spell, hated it like any
good AD&D player character, and just about sent it away. Fea-Tathin ran once,
maybe twice. We all went back to Chris' game, admitting we were addicts.
When we were writing the toad-getting episode of Yamara, we recognized that
Fea of Ping Forest has the personality to whom the gods automatically assign
toads. Nothing new or funny about that...
Barbara: Wait a minute. What if she likes the toad? Chris: What? B: No, she
likes the toad. She's happy she's gotten it. C: ROFL B: What if she were so
limp-willed that the spell affected her more than the toad? C: Yeah, her
soul is so toad-like that she's happy to roll up one these things!
In this hour was Ralph born.
YOU ASKED FOR IT
Fea of Ping Forest, everyone's favorite celebrity gadfly, will shortly be
publishing her spellbook (Wyhtl: Pang & Malice; 48pp illus.; 35 gp 95 cp
hardcover). Since it includes spells from when she was good as well as the
evil ones, everyone predicts it'll be a runaway bestseller. We reprint the
following excerpts:
Spells
Fea's Special Insight (Divination)
Level 1; Range: 0; Duration: one small crisis; Area of Effect: self;
Components: V (humming), S,M; Casting Time: 1 round; Saving Throw: None
M-U's like us are supposed to be more intelligent than other party members,
so let's prove it! This spell helps access those less than obvious parts of
your brain, and makes them obvious. When confronted with a puzzle or
something left-brainy like deduction, chanting this will lead to, if not
downright hand you the answer to your dilemma. All the necessary parts of the
puzzle have to be there in front of you, this just helps skip over the
thinking part. I've had this spell brewing in my head since my co-hosting
days on "Runes of Fortune," when I first discovered I liked thinking.
Fea's What's My Motivation? (Enchantment/Reversible)
Level 2; Range: 0; Duration: 2 days/level; Area: self; Components: V,S;
Casting Time: 1 turn/day duration; Save: None
Have you ever started off on an adventure, and not known what the heck you
were doing? Not the vaguest idea? Feeling like you were with a bunch of
misfits that had no reason not to betray and countermand one another in a
constant flurry of bickering and griping? This spell lets you cope with the
day-to-day realities of a badly-thought-out adventure. This not only gives
you a sense of purpose until the spell wears out: Any non-magic effect used
against you of +/-1 is negated, or removed from cumulation, but a +/-2 or
more still hits you hard.
For some reason, I can't cast this to work on other people, and they act so
rude. Crud! The reverse is called Fea's Lost Weekend, and since it only works
on oneself, you'd probably be better off without it.
Fea's Look Better than Her (Illusion/Phantasm)
Level 3; Range: touch; Duration: 6 hours; Area: one person (usually self);
Components: V,S,M; Casting Time: 1 turn; Save: None
Looking good is only so important. What matters more, in most situations, is
to look better than somebody in particular. Treat all rolls as if caster's
Charisma & Comeliness scores were 2 points higher than those of indicated
person.
Fea's Charm Self (Enchantment)
Level 4; Range: 0; Duration: 1 hour/level; Area: self; Components: V; Casting
Time: 2 rounds; Save: None
Everybody needs a little confidence from time to time. This spell makes the
caster believe he or she is really great. You get to add +1 to all rolls,
due to heightened self-image.
Fea's Spontaneity (Enchantment)
Level 5; Range: Special; Duration: subsequent spell or conversation; Area:
Special; Components: V; Casting Time: 1 segment; Save: None
You know how sometimes things seem too rehearsed. This little spell takes
care of all that. All casting times reduced to 1 segment/level of spell,
max. Also good for focussing someone on the scintillating point you're
making.
Fea's Flesh to Plush (Alteration/Reversible)
[As published in Dragon Letters section. We've found the text we sent to
Roger Moore a couple years back, but haven't had the time yet to unbury our
back issues, and get it's date of original publication. It was around the
strip's fifth anniversary, circa 1992.]
Level 5; Range: 3"; Duration: Permanent; Area of Effect: One Creature;
Components: V,S,M; casting Time: 2 segments; Saving Throw: Neg.
Explanation/Description:
A version of Item that appeals to toddlers, this spell transforms average
people and monsters with free will and lives, into small dolls. The doll
resembles the former person in most respects, and gives off no magical aura
whatsoever. And the plush stuffing of the dolls appeals to family pets wity
that urge to gnaw and worry. The reverse of the spell restores hapless
victims to whatever state the doll was left in. It also turns plushy things
(i.e. carpets, dolls, tapestries, upholstery) into fleshy things (i.e. hormad
tissue, shoggoths, the Blob).
Item
Fea's Vial of Icky Harm
Gross! Vials take three hours to prepare, but you can do that at home. Open
one, say the magic word, and three cubic inches of disgusting goo will leave
the vial and float inexorably toward your victim. The stuff will attach
itself to his or her eyeballs, and they'll have to save versus poison, or it
will eat into their eyes and they'll go blind with you watching.
LETTERS
First off, YAMARA is sheer, unadulterated genius. If you
ever needed an ego trip, here's one now. The comic strip is wonderful!
I love it! It is probably the best comic strip I have evr seen! Such
writing! Such comedy! Such sarcasm! The entire things is so beautifully
done, it brings tears to my eyes. I own most of the dragons, and was lucky
enough to purchase your anthology. It really puts some insights into
everything. Sometimes, I feel like the only thing I have to look forward to
in life is the next YAMARA, and then I am happy. Are
you planning another anthology? Will you give me any insights into your
lives? Will you send me a list of the movies you've created?
-Tim P
[Tim, you write a bloody good fan letter. Good questions too, the kind most
don't care to know; most people ask mountains of stuff about Letterhyde
cuisine and Ralph's tadpolehood, and whether or not Joe and Fea ever got it
on... but no one really cares about us. They assume we're Wendy & Richard
Pini with different colored hair. And this can lead to some pretty nasty
misconceptions, standard ones for vaudeville theater but still messy to sort
out when they happen to you.
The first anthology took place under the aegis of Steve Jackson, and the
second one may too. We need time to elapse so that enough strips can be put
in. Insights into our lives? I suppose we can put stuff like that into the
newsletter, Bar's off the spaghetti sauce and now lives on generic froot
loops.
We haven't made any large motion pictures, just some strange short(ish)
films, produced and directed by our friend Stephen. The longest one, and
most bizarre, was Sock, a love story about a nice girl who falls in love with
a sock puppet. The sex scenes were a real trip to shoot. It may premiere at
next year's Dreamation.]
*****
I'm glad that Steve Jackson, one of the most interesting and giving
individuals in the gaming community, is publishing "YAMARA" at B.Dalton and
hobby stores. I plan to buy an issue as soon as possible! Your work is
excellent and well designed. The humor is subtle and intrinquing. Thank you
for your letter!
-Aurelianus
[Thanks/Very Welcome, Aure. Just in case confusion is present, the Yamara
book is a compilation, not an ongoing comic book with its own title or
monthly issues. Yet. You guys come up with some really great ideas...]
THE CON GAME
Where we'll be, or where we expect to wake up, screaming.
GENCON [Elminster WI Aug 10-13] now looks really, really likely. Really.
SHORECON [Asbury Park NJ Sep 22-24] Berni Wrightson is tentatively going to
be there, Joe Jusko is tentative, and now we're tentative. Come to think of
it, you're tentative.
THE GOODS
[Note that stuff like Fea's spellbook coming out in hardcover and tickets to
Alcott Squad concerts are currently make-believe. Only the following stuff
are real things you can actually possess. If someone comes to your door
claiming to sell licensed Aetherco products, ask to see photo ID.]
Yamara goes to a full page in Dragon with the September 1995 issue. Our
thanks go out to Larry Smith, the only editor the magazine has left; Wolfgang
Bauer, who let it pass the last day he worked for TSR; all the loyal Dragon fans who voted for the mag yet again for this year's Origins Award, and
catapulted it into the Hall of Fame; all the Yamara fanatics who wrote in or
otherwise prayed; and all the good people inside the industry for their
advice and support. Hi, mom!
[Dragon is a trademark of TSR Inc, and since it's a magazine, sentients are
entitled to subscribe. TSR Inc. PO Box 756 Lake Geneva WI 53147.]
The Yamara book [called "Yamara"] is available from Steve Jackson Games
1200-A Metcalfe; Austin TX 78741; (512) 447-7866; fax (512) 447-1144;
sj-games@io.com. It retails for $9.95, and is also supposed to be in B
Daltons, Barnes & Noble, and finer hobby shops. It compiles the first five
years of the strip and also has new words and pictures, including: "The
coverage Chester received was for 650,000 gold pieces; appropriate for a body
of his level of decay-- but far in excess of his actual holdings. Iizak, a
guest at one of his many parties, spoke out: 'Before the kidnapping, he had
some diddly little treasure around his place. He had one magic boot. But
nothing to faint over.'"
Headpieces of FriNn (tm). They're real, they're each unique, they're handmade
by us, they're weird and funny, they're costume jewelry, they turn you into
a god!! Well, you'd have to roleplay that last bit. For full description see
"teN DeCimaL CoINaGe uNits" above. Base price: $15 (US funds only) That's $10
Headpiece + $5 to ship it to you. BUT THE MORE $ YOU SEND, THE BIGGER THE
HEADPIECE!! Own the biggest Headpiece in the world-- if you dare!!! Comes
with instructions and certificate of authenticity. 4-6 weeks for delivery; we
can only guarantee delivery to a street address (via UPS). NOT A TOY. NOT
RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN. WE'RE SERIOUS WHEN WE USE ALL CAPS. NY residents
add 4% sales tax. Send check or money order payable to: Aetherco. Address: PO
Box 342 Red Hook NY 12571.
Radio Free Wyhtl #0 and #0.1 are still available from us, free, online. Just
ask. If you already asked, and we forgot, bark HEY in the subject field, and
we'll jump.
HARD FUN SYNOPSIS--"Hard Fun Plot Arc Exposed": For those of you who want or
need a synopsis of the Hard Fun Octadectad saga-- whether you're just missing
an issue of Dragon, or can't make head or tail of what we're on about--
this handy online guide is free, too. Just ask us for "that Hard Fun thing"
here at Yamara@aol.com.
On AOL, there's some Yamara art to be found nowhere else, but man, is it
hidden. Directions: Keyword: TSR. [If you haven't gone here before, prepare
for a big automatic artload] Hit "New". Then go to "Upcoming Events". Then
you'll see our Manui & Adams file. Inside is the first two panels of the
first full-page Yamara, mentioned above. Also there is what TSR terms a
"sketch" of Arcalula's rock band from space, Alcott Squad, relaxing on a
hotel balcony, contemplating their next adventure, their next gig, their next
wild fling with an alien studhunk.
NEXT ISSUE
The Great Piece of Truth about Blag & Joe Holy
Okay, NEXT time we'll make room for Stress' Sunblocking Hairy Cantrip. Sorry
about that...
Yamara(tm) is a trademark of Aetherco.
All contents of "Radio Free Wyhtl #0.2" Copyright (c) 1995 Barbara Manui &
Chris Adams. Permission granted to copy for personal use only. Okay, you can
send it to your friends, but you mayn't sell it.
All letters and email sent to Aetherco become property of Aetherco because,
well, that's just how it's done.
Other trademarks and copyrights mentioned in Radio Free Wyhtl are property of
their respective owners.